He's The Man That Never Was

It's been a few months since I wrote something here on my blog. Work demanded so much of my time, plus the new opportunities that came made me a lot busier. But today, I took the time to just put this feeling into words. I just felt the need.

Yesterday I saw him again. After probably a month of not talking with each other. He was there, a few meters away from me. With the short distance that we had, I know he can hear me when I call his name. But I did not do that, atleast, not anymore.

My friends teased me. They always do. I smiled. I rode their humor. I told them the stories, the short moments that we had. But surprisingly, I felt it wasn't the same as before. The feelings had changed. No more fast heartbeats when I know I'm going to see him, no more butterflies when he's there, no more I-look-at-you-look-at-me-too thoughts, no more bell that rings when I hear his name. No more is-this-a-sign question every time I will see, read or hear something that has a connection with him. It was strange, but I really felt completely normal.

During those times, I was figuring out myself. I was asking myself. Didn't I miss him? Didn't I want to talk to him? Didn't I want to show myself to him? Didn't I even want to say hi? But the questions just crossed my mind. I did not do anything. I don't know if don't care anymore, but I just really stared and watched the opportunity passed by. 

When I was on my way home. I felt proud. Not because I did not do anything, but because of the feeling that I had. I felt proud that when looked at him, I did not feel the hurt anymore. I remember the moments, and I never regret it. Not even felt a single point of bitterness. In fact, I was still all smiles remembering all the crazy moments that we had, the laughter we've shared and the conversations that once blew my mind.

I felt proud of what he has become, how he excels in his craft. He was even better now than the last time I saw him in action. 

It was for the better, I told myself. Looking at where he is right now and where I am, it was indeed for the better. The sadness that I once felt because it ended was now replaced with gratitude because at one point, I knew it happened. 
 

And I am nothing but grateful to him, the man that never was. Not only for those memorable-fun times, but also how he inspired me to do what I love and chase after my dreams just like what he's doing. I would have never be this eager, this focus and this passionate if not because of him.